YOUR DAIMON

Yes, the "Daimon." I see the word appear when I read of Alexander the Great and his years of warring with his Macedonians and Greeks across the Mediterranean Sea, the Balkans, the Near East, Turkey, Syria, south to the Levant and throughout Mesopotamia. 

He inspirited his troops by the strength of his Daimon, his warrior's spirit, that raged inside of him at varying levels through a decade. His leadership inspired the troops to follow him by the hundreds of thousands.

I had my own daimon as a young man, nothing in the neighborhood of a Greek mercenary or a Roman Gladiator, but an angry drive from within for a few years.

It has been gone for so many years due to health reasons but I felt it a little yesterday. It's odd; it's a sort of message to my weakened self not to yield to the cancers and the spinal surgeries and the fallout from them. 

The surgeon who cut my thyroid cancer out--along with lots of lymph nodes around my neck, told me to wait 3 weeks to get into the beach again. I'll be there. 

Have you ever dropped so low that you can't envision a rising from the dead? I sure have--so many times. 

Besides the nerve pain and the weird band of thick, glued skin around my neck, I sense the daimon returning. 

Thanks for the positive messages, folks. 

"The first time you quit is the last time you try."

OCEANSIDE, CA Never again, Harbor Beach

Harbor Beach, Oceanside, CA. I miss you so...

It's not looking good for me to get swimming in the water soon. I got a new diagnosis recently of a malignant thyroid cancer. The surgeons at VA La Jolla cut my neck apart, ear to ear for 6 hours, and glued it back together.

This is not a good procedure. My neck is sooo swollen and painful and choking me. Dead areas of nerves. Big areas of soft tissue that now feels like wood--hard as wood. I'm not even thinking about swimming. 

"The first time you quit is the last time you try."

Oceanside Harbor Friday Afternoon

The best I've felt in a long time.

Friday 3 p.m. Quiet beach at Oceanside Harbor. Low tide. Out past the waves visibility was 3-4 feet, which is good nowadays.

Water today crisp & perfect for an old guy. I kicked out & back more than I have in a long time.

I need to add this today (Saturday) because yesterday as I was stepping from the sand to the parking lot, there was a guy--about 50--leaning on his bicycle, and he commented to me, "Good workout out there."

I saw the trump/vance white ballcap on his head and --yes, it put a damper on my mood--not at the beach, man....

"The first time you quit is the last time you try."

THURSDAY 4 p.m. OCEANSIDE HARBOR

The beach was rather empty this afternoon, which is what I enjoy.  Can the tide get any lower? The water was knee-deep at the end of the south rock jetty. Great for kids to wade around, but chilly without a wetsuit. 65 today, Few waves that one could even call waves. 3 foot maximum on an infrequent wave far out. I saw one guy get a good ride on that one.

Visibility is lousy, 2-foot max. Not a cloud in the sky. Just an easy bit of kicking out, hanging out, and returning. Very relaxing swim!

"The first time you quit is the last time you try."

Oceanside Harbor Beach

4 p.m. on Sunday, 10-19-2025, I drove to the beach and the traffic was not going toward the water, but away from it. That makes me happy. Parking spaces empty.

I have decided not to brave the cold water so again I wore my wet suit and cap. Water temp about 65. Extremely low tide, just starting to turn I sensed at the end of my dip, but I didn't look at the tide times.

Mediocre surf conditions with beach-breaking waves lacking much of an angle for the 2 dozen late afternoon surfers. The highest set far out was 3 foot, I'd say. A friendly, mild 3 foot. No body smashing on this Sunday.

Glorious flat water with tons of moist sand for the children and young parents going knee deep and looking for shells and sand dollars. Almost none to be found.

No clouds overhead--really. I did see a thin layer of white cloud far in the sea to the north. As I lay on my back looking up at the small planes flying from the little Oceanside Airport, I was free of the world. 

Thank you, big sky and ocean spirits! 

"The first time you quit is the last time you try."

KICKING ON MY BACK IN THE GLOAMING

WHAT? 

 The decrepit old grouch hasn't been in salt water for two and a half months? 

True. I'm embarrassed to see the last dated entry here. I have an excuse, but, as they told us frequently at sea back in my Navy years: Excuses are like assholes...everybody's got one.

Age 68? Dang!  Body parts don't function properly.  Lungs, airways, intestinal fortitude.  

Health and wimpiness have limited me to a bit of swimming & kicking with a kickboard in the backyard pool. Where did my grit go? 

The sun was close to setting yesterday as I finished a strong cup of joe, sitting on my lazy ass with my 18 x 12 inch ice pack snug on my back, making changes to pages of a novel that I will never complete (about poor old people). 

 I have one of those foot-wide elastic lumbar wraps to hold the ice pack in place. Over that I tighten my super-size, hard back brace, which helps the 2 squished discs stay near where they're supposed to be. (When I'm really tortured, the four TENS unit patches go on first & I turn up the juice.)  

By the way, TENS units don't do jack shit; they distract you a little with the buzzing on the skin, but for "pain management" I classify them along with meditation, cognitive therapy, anti-inflammatories, zoom groups on-line with other VA pain patients, and other crapola considered as pain therapy. 

I drove the 15 minutes and got to my disabled parking spot right on the sand! It must have been the caffeine working! My mind is weak. I'm aware of it.

The last of the sun was disappearing as I donned wetsuit & cap. Dammit, I LOVE the water!  Ambling into the very low tide, 1-3 foot friendly waves and falling forward into 3 feet of supporting water is like pressing the schrader valve to let the pressurized air out of a car tire. Whoosh, gravity's pressure on discs and nerves is removed instantly. There's a loosening of scrunched body parts as the weight of salt water pushes one upward. 

 And people...hardly any in the water in the twilight. But lots of wise folks sharing tables full of food and conversation.  I lie on my back, my fins lending grace to my movement out to the solitary water past the soft waves. My back is not hurting, just my neck--it doesn't rotate much after 2 neck fusions. I look up, kick easily, leaving my neck alone, and I am a happy person in a natural world that seemingly is mine alone. 

Those folks who knock California have no idea...and that's a good thing.  

"The first time you quit is the last time you try."

7 p.m. gentle swim

I'm taking things gently these days in the water. Surgery in a few weeks. Wearing my fins and enjoying the water itself, the buoyancy that I love, and the absence of stress in the experience.

What was it? "The journey, not the destination."

I'm working on that.

"The first time you quit is the last time you try."

Harbor Beach 6 p.m. Wed. Crowded

Lots of people in the water and more on the sand this afternoon in Oceanside. Great weather. Warm water at 60 degrees. 

Lifeguards busy as the water was rough. Five footers crashing in every ten seconds or so head on, no shape for surfing. 

I wore a wet suit but didn't need it. Used the fins as usual these days as I went out to inside of the big waves. There was a strong current.

"The first time you quit is the last time you try."

I wouldn't call it swimming, but...

After weeks away from the beach, getting into the backyard pool only several times, I finally got my broken back into the water. Much warmer since my last visit. The day was gorgeous, as is usual here.

Lots of people enjoying summer weather. with the family. Rare for me to visit when the public is there also. Missing the winter cold quietude.

I can't swim. Put the fins on and lazily kicked around gently for 20 minutes or so. The waves were close together and rough. The photos never convey how rough 4-foot waves can be. Poor shape for surfing.

"The first time you quit is the last time you try."

Oceanside Harbor Too Rough Tonight For Me

I went down to the Harbor beach tonight to get in--it's been weeks for me. The news has been talking about warnings for the surf but they always exaggerate everything.

The report I saw last was 4-5 footers with 7 foot sets. After parking and walking thirty yards to the sand, I saw that the warnings were true this time. 

A couple of people in the close surf but they probably shouldn't have been. I'll post some photos from 6:30 p.m., Monday.

The waves were coming in on top of one another, tons of white water moving all sorts of directions. I had to use the excuse that it was 'too dangerous' for me.

The Lifeguards were keeping people out of the water and closing up shop at 6:30 pm. To get into the beach tonight would be tempting fate.

"The first time you quit is the last time you try."

Oceanside, CA Sunday Before Sunset

I felt good yesterday, Sunday, just before sunset, when I got wet. BEFORE I got in. Felt so good that I spoke to the lifeguard and told him not to worry--"I'm gonna swim out past the waves, then across, and get out on the other side of the rocks. I have my lifejacket."

Maybe a couple hundred people enjoying the day, many young families. I enjoy seeing the young parents with toddlers and babies in diapers. I'm going to add below an old poem I wrote years back, when I was remembering myself with a toddler at the beach.

                                    Boy Toddler

 

Summer day at a family beach

Toddlers tumbling in tiny water

Landing safely on padded bottoms

Young parents laughing

“You want a pick-up?” Mom asks

“Pick up,” he replies

He’s reaching back down in a minute

Trying out his unsteady legs again

Sand in his hands

Two fistfuls of sand disappear

Over again he grabs for more

But where did it go?

Lifting two hands up over his head

“Oh my goodness, where is it?”

Relish these ephemeral moments

They live in our hearts.

-------

The water was warm and cloudy, no surfable size to the 2-foot waves. So, I go out to the end of the waves and my lungs decide they don't want to do their job. My diaphragm problem. Can't get much of a breath in and out, discomfort in the low neck area. Dammit.

I hang out for a few minutes and ease back to the sand, feeling quite embarrassed as I pass in front of the lifeguard tower. They must have been thinking, 'Sure, buddy, you're going out and around the rocks...."

Just getting the awakening chill of salt water was fine, though, for me. We try...

Two weeks to doctor appointment to ask about my diaphragm muscle. Stay safe.

"The first time you quit is the last time you try."

Pumping Sand in Oceanside

The south beaches in Oceanside lose sand inexorably so the city dredges the harbor channel and pumps sand south to the rocky beaches that lack it. It seems like an annual event. Thank you, City of Oceanside. Also, thanks to the City of Carlsbad; their beach is contiguous with ours. 

The big pipe is buried in the photos. The dredger is visible in the background.

The water looked brown when I arrived late yesterday afternoon. Two young surfer dudes were showering off and I asked them if it was dirty.

One answered at length, unusual for surfers, well, to me anyway. "No, I wouldn't say dirty; it's just the sand is all stirred up. I hope it helps the waves."

There you go. No visibility in the water and the water was c o l d.

The internet had it at 61 F. Now, in my dotage I'm wearing a thin wetsuit along with a neoprene hat, because I have succumbed to my wimpiness. I accept it. (Hell no, I don't. I loathe old age.) 

The young guys have thicker wetsuits and no hats, but they need the thicker neoprene as they have zero body fat. They really should wear a cap to protect their ears. Daily exposure to cold water causes the bone tissue in the external ear canal to grow, narrowing the canal. It's a protective device of the body. It will eventually cause the 'surfer's ear,' a narrow canal that collects a bit of moisture and may cause infections. Put a few drops of isopropyl alcohol in your ears after exposure to dry them out. Takes years to happen though, and when you're young you gotta look cool. I'm far beyond that. I don't mind at all that I have the potential to look like a tourist.

I know. There's too many photos.

I stopped at the doorstep to the bigger, rough waves in this swim. I'm firmly trapped in a rehab body again. Have to be safe. Living safely is overrated. Go crazy wild while you're able. Damn the torpedoes! If they hit you, then they hit you. 

Lazily, I kicked a bit back and forth, mostly just hanging out just inside the outside waves. That phrase may be my destination; I like it. "Just inside the outside."

Only 2-4 footers, but little interval between waves. Even a rough, surgy 2-footer can make you take it seriously. My brain got its necessary chill that raises me up from my mordant, sullen state. Often it is hard to overcome the inertia of my brain and get some momentum in my motion. I learned those two big words in physics class. That was useful; so much of my education was wasted. We jumped through hoops, didn't we?

I found myself dancing with the dog this morning, watching old music videos. Singing too. The singing is good for the wet lungs. We sure had a ton of great music in the 70s and 80s. 

"The first time you quit is the last time you try."

Crowded Harbor Beach Oceanside, CA 5:30 p.m. Sunday

Sunday late afternoon. It must be Spring Break or just our beautiful weather.

Really a perfect day for enjoying sand, friends, and the beach. Two-foot waves, 2-foot visibility, flat water, long interval between sets and waves. 56 F, felt chilly. 

Beginner and intermediate surfers had mild, slow waves for practice. No aggressive surfers noted by this senior citizen.

Nice to see regular people partaking in the slow surf without the hot shots.

I may be done for my swimming career. Gotta see a doctor and dig up records of previous chest x-rays and MRIs over the years. "Bilateral atelectasis with significantly elevated right hemi-diaphragm," whatever that is...

Caused by what? When?

Been coughing for 6 months.

I'll include 2 photos of the pleasant scene yesterday. I got in and kicked out to the surfers--not far at all--and was short of breath, so I just watched the young folks and then returned home. Blah...What do I do about my motto below?

"The first time you quit is the last time you try."

Friday 5 pm Harbor

Yesterday late afternoon I got in the water for a short stint. 

Cloudy, few beachgoers, no water visibility, few surfers, and strong waves rushing in every ten seconds, straight on, with lousy surf conditions. 

The water was quite rough and angry, with the outer waves pounding this man, who wanted to kick out through the 4-5 footers and achieve comfort past the breakers. No such thing occurred. 

In front of the big waves, one surging after another, consistently, I had to use my safety discretion and ease back in toward the safety of sand. 

I broke out my old, trusty swimmer's lifejacket yesterday, wore it, but didn't need to use it.

I somehow developed this no-wind-in-my-lungs condition, I don't know why, but it's unpleasant and limits my physical output. I think it's a forever condition.

Despite rough waves and a lack of air, I enjoyed the brisk water; it was worth the trip.

"The first time you quit is the last time you try."

Oceanside Harbor Beach Surf Contest High School

I have been dry for a few weeks due to general malaise and ongoing, boring pain. Yesterday, Monday morning, I was up early and felt okay. Lots of coffee.

To my surprise, many people were frolicking at my beach. I typically expect my beach to be sparingly populated with an ample supply of parking spaces. Uh, oh, a big sign read "State Championship High School Surfing."

Also, I think it may be the start of Spring Break, as the adjacent beaches were populated with families.

We are so fortunate here; I'll repeat it again & again. Even if I did have to walk 100 yards or 200 to get my feet wet. 

The water was notably warmer Monday with the usual 2-foot visibility. The ocean was calm, flat, lovely with waves of moderate shape...about 3-4 feet. Good enough for a decent surf contest but not great.

I walked to the south side of the south rock jetty as the north side was populated with surf families and fun. 

I have had to come to accept that my vigorous swim activity days are gone. As years pile up, I add maladies to my list of body malfunctions. My recent addition is a diaphragm problem which really decreases the volume of air that I can take in when I breathe. Under exercise stress, the air intake causes shortness of breath and chest tightness. It's termed 'Significant hemi-diaphragm elevation right side.'

My swims now will be more like mild dips in the water with a bit  of kicking with the fins. The big waves are off limits now due to a senior citizen's safety and discretion.

That's the way it was yesterday. I enjoyed it anyway. Thanks. 

"The first time you quit is the last time you try."

Oceanside Harbor Beach Friday

I mostly like to be surprised at the water conditions before I drive to the beach. Today at 1 p.m. I was somewhat surprised that the conditions at the Harbor were inhospitable to human recreation.

A strong wind blew in steadily from the west, so much so that one guy surfed the wind quite adeptly.

I was the sole entrant into the water during my brief stay. No surfable waves whatsoever. The photos show a very low tide; however, hiding past that all hell was breaking loose. In 6-8 feet of water surged 3-5 foot waves crashing straight on in, parallel to the shoreline.

My objective was to kick around a bit to work the back muscles. Once the water was over my head, I experienced looming 4-5 footers dumping on me and actually creating anxiety in my mind. Anxiety in rough surf is certainly an adrenaline rush per se but I'm not young anymore.

 

I'm cautious and decided to kick back in and call it a day. Easier said than done. The underpull of the water was strong, even with my webbed feet touching the sand on the bottom.

 

This afternoon I had the momentary thought that if I had been wearing my life jacket, I just might have had my hand on the CO2 cartridge pull. Really.

I need more wind in my lungs. Rehabbing is a long road, but I LOVE cold salt water! I love it. Did I say I love to be cold in salt water...

"The first time you quit is the last time you try."

Warm Water

I got in at 2 p.m. for some kicking around at the Harbor Beach. It's just so nice here!

Waves up to a max of 4 feet every several minutes for 3-4 waves, but the shape wasn't very good for surfing--closed out. The south jetty was more popular than the north side. The water was very flat and calm out past the waves and I relaxed on my back, kicking easily. I got a bit inspired and kicked around the south rock jetty. It's a rough spot, the south side, and a kid could get smashed quickly and pulled out. 

I got two epidural steroid shots 2 days ago and I think the Dr. just hit two bad spots of mine just perfectly. Good reduction in pain and the lumbar felt very good this afternoon. 

I did forget my disabled placard and had to pay the $1.50 to the meter. It makes one happy to have a disability. I missed out on my free parking spot right by the sand. 

(but I'd trade it in for health).

No photos; I didn't care.

"The first time you quit is the last time you try."

Before Sunset

Not an exciting swim today just before sunset. Ten minutes of kicking but I had no wind. A little bit rough with up to 4 foot strong waves outside. I didn't dare try to get through them due to a lack of breath. When one is old it is better to be cautious.

No photo. Forgot the phone.

"The first time you quit is the last time you try."

Three Days Off

I got into the water yesterday after a few days of recovery time. Don't you miss your body when you were in your twenties and maybe into your thirties, when you could get out of shape but snap right back into fitness after a week of daily exercise?

I remember that youthful 'bounce back' ability. That was nice.

I can remember being in my early twenties and having a bad cold, a chest cold or something, that could be cured by going out on a hard 5-mile run.

Took that for granted.

I've been espousing the 'step-by-step' method of life for the last 20-30 years. 

Like Mao Tse Dung's quote: 'The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.'

Saturday in the water at the Harbor was perfect for me. Smooth waves 2-4 feet, decent shape, and a nice interval between waves. I was able to kick out past the several surfers and relax just kicking back & forth between the jetties. No, not the entire length, I'm talking 50 yards or so north, turn about, and 50 yards the other direction a few times. So peaceful, such gentle water.

This photo was of the south side of the south rock jetty. Is that beautiful or what?

"The first time you quit is the last time you try."

Before Sunset, Tuesday February 18th, 2025

Damn, I wasted countless days sitting in my recliner chair--NOT GETTING IN THE WATER--feeling sorry for myself with my perennial antagonist: pain.

No, I have not had the gene of self-pity excised by "Ancestry" or "23 and Me."

This parasite has accompanied me in this life. But I have had my periods of time when I can locate the kernel of self-motivation hidden latent deep within my soul. 

The motivation is unearthed by fleeting physical pain, exhaustion, extremes of cold, and physical danger...the physical challenges that one lives in a young life, and throughout a life if a person is quite special, like Socrates, who propounded his idea of living a Stoic life in his Classical Greek age. I am not such a Stoic; perhaps I tasted a few years of that as a young man, without realizing the importance of it.

Wait! Isn't this a blog of swimming? 

This was yesterday:

This was me yesterday:

Fourteen years ago, this was me:

Not the build of a swimmer; I'm more of a plodder. I haven't been able to freestyle after 2 cervical surgeries, but...maybe...who ever knows.

Yesterday the Harbor Beach was rough, surging 2-5 foot waves without much of an interval to recover between waves. I was unable  to get to the big waves, much less through them and out past them, which is typically my goal.

I had 15 minutes of difficult, chilly fun in my Churchill fins. My lumbar is holding up well today. Fingers crossed. 

Surfers KNOW the secret of life. Cold salt water striving to achieve the adrenaline pump of speed and power. I envy them.

"The first time you quit is the last time you try."

Sunday Swim Oceanside Harbor

About 3pm I was pleased to see some waves between the 2 rock jetties. The water was fine, the temp, in a wetsuit. Waves 2-4 foot maximum, poor-fair shape. Several surfers doing ok on both sides of the south jetty. 

About 2 foot visibility. Surfline quotes 56 F degrees but much warmer, I believe. About 62.

A decent number of folks enjoyed the area, lots of dog walkers, but no dogs on the sand. I'm a hard-liner on this: no dogs on Oceanside sand. Use dog beaches wherever they may be. Del Mar is one and I heard Orange County has a dog beach.

I tried wearing a hard plastic neck brace today to prevent neck problems and it did. Pretty uncomfortable though. I kicked out past the big surf and hung out a bit, then kicked in. My wind is poor. Legs and lumbar feel good with the buoyancy of the heavy salt water but something isn't normal in my right side of the diaphragm. It is pushed upward for some reason. Who knows. I don't even know if it affects my wind or if I just need to exercise more.

A very pleasurable day overall at the beach. We're lucky to have it.

"The first time you quit is the last time you try."

Rained Out

I've been craving some salt water for several days now, but we actually have been experiencing 'rain' in Oceanside. Rain here means dirty water runoff from the creeks and some street drainage that flow into the Pacific. That keeps you out of the water. The rule of thumb is 'wait 48 hours' after rain to swim/surf.

It's  kinda' like when you were a kid, and every adult warned you to 'wait 30 minutes' after eating to go in the water at the beach. "You'll get cramps and drown." Of course, no kid ever waited 30 minutes, and the deadly cramps never occurred. 

However, you will get a sinus infection in dirty water. So, I wait. 

Today is Saturday the 15th, a sunny day. Tomorrow I will return to my 'salt water fix.'

"The first time you quit is the last time you try."

SATURDAY 4 pm Rough Water at the Harbor

Medium tide with lots of rough white water surgy waves one on top of the other. Little interval between waves. Current pulling south fairly strong. 56 degrees F per Surfline but the water felt warmer than that. 

7 surfers struggling to get  out to the 3-5 foot poorly shaped waves this afternoon. I saw several decent rides. I'm always amazed at how the surfers paddle through the incoming surge and actually get through to  the bigger sets. Tough, wiry guys. 

I kicked out and around here and there, being pulled toward the south rock jetty. I didn't have much wind. 

I couldn't get out to the big stuff today. Even if I had had the wind, I don't yet have the confidence again yet. 

I decided to get out and I walked north to the north jetty. I kicked around and tried to get out but half-heartedly. Ended up kicking easy and drifting south a bit before I called it a day.

Cold is good for me. 

A couple of photos. Hot  coffee is nice afterward.

"The first time you quit is the last time you try."

Cloudy Day with the Water Getting a Little Rougher

Thursday late afternoon at the Harbor. A little chillier, 2 foot visibility, waves 2 to 4 foot swells. Several surfers but the shape was poor, closing out.

I liked the roughness of the incoming  tide smashing me at the distance out from the sand with the surfers. I'm still needing more wind but I felt good and got some nice kicking in for 15-20 minutes.

"The first time you quit is the last time you try."