Downstream Toward the Beach...

I wrote those words above a few months ago emanating from an inner belief that I'd get back to the swim.  The swim...for me it means getting back in the water at the Oceanside Beach, which is an intimate friend of mine. 

The physical therapist was giving me a hard time last week about my not putting in much effort with the back exercises--and she ticked me off.  She told me things like...I was dependent on my back brace...I had a mindset that I'll have lifelong pain...I need to get my act together and fight back (no pun intended).

So why am I pissed off?  I'm early in my third major life comeback and I don't know whether I CAN come back?  You see I went through this first comeback from spinal surgery for my neck once before--five years ago--and slowly, very slowly, I was able to return from it.  I did it all in the water in Oceanside; I gave up on neck physical therapy two different times because of the pain. 

I had this cancer deal for a second comeback about twelve years ago...and I haven't come back from that...and never will.  Lifelong damage.  I'm angry about that pretty much every day.  There's nothing that I can do about that but I'm supposed to be happy.  Beat cancer, live with cancer, hope for a cure, overcome cancer, jog for cancer, be happy you're alive...the hell with that!  Cancer just sucks and it strikes randomly from out of nowhere!

I write that "The first time you quit is the last time you try" on my posts.  But this time I am tempted to quit.  There's a relief to quitting, for those of us who have done so--it's an immediate relief, a short-lived end to the suffering--but it comes with such a long-term regret.  Quitting is so, so easy.  If you are running, you simply stop.  Walk....  If you are studying Organic Chemistry, you just stop memorizing structural formulas.  Change your major to Business.  If I need to do my physical therapy exercises, I just don't. 

Just do it...just don't do it...

This post is much more about quitting in life than it is about swimming in cold ocean water. 

We tell ourselves--rather we think to ourselves--that it's perfectly fine to quit;  Quitting my endeavor may actually may be the better choice for me. We rationalize our actions to reduce stress--it's some psychological principle.  Maybe I was meant for something else, maybe I chose the wrong career path early on when I was young and had choices.  Oh, choices.  They are involved in this story too.  Personally, I do much better when I have no choices; there is just one thing to do and I have to do it or someone tells me what to do.

I got far afield from my thoughts about this third comeback that I am experiencing.  Maybe I can't do it?   Maybe the old guy has run out of life force?  Maybe I'm afraid to do the hard work?  Maybe I'll take the first stroke again?  I am doubtful but not hopeless...yet.





"The first time you quit is the last time you try."

Oceanside Orca Whales?

http://www.utsandiego.com/news/2014/nov/26/killer-whale-orca-rare-sighting-oceanside-coast/



"The first time you quit is the last time you try."

Rehab Continues on the Back

A month ago I posted about early healing progress--about two weeks post surgery.  Today I am about six weeks out.  I just finished a walk of ten blocks with a cane around my neighborhood.  I'm still experiencing plenty of pain but making progress with that also. 

When you have spinal surgery an odd thing occurs in parts of your body.  You wake up with all sorts of new pain and numbness in places that were normal beforehand.  I woke from surgery with a left knee area--a large area including the kneecap--that felt like it was beaten with a stick a bunch of times.  It also had different spotted areas of numbness within.  Strange.  I also woke with the top half of both of my butt cheeks (oo la la) mostly without feeling, except a very general pressure feeling.  Much of that is still there--and I had none of that before surgery.

The low back would get boring if I went over that again.  I have a big, supportive brace that I wear.

I'm still reading other swim blogs and enjoying the water through write-ups and photos on other blogs.  Thanks.


"The first time you quit is the last time you try."

A couple of weeks post surgery

Hi. The pain from surgery is heavy still and I think it will become my long-term companion.  Surely, physical rehabilitation was meant for younger folks.  I walked with the walker 100 feet up the small hill to the corner and back to the house this morning.  I am making it a three-times-daily event.

A dip in the ocean is a long way off; I have yet to hit the shower since surgery.  Tomorrow is shower day.  Staples were removed yesterday.  Wound healing well.  I can get in/out of bed much easier now.

My doctor's instructions are walk, walk, walk.  OK, OK, OK. 

There has to be a goal of some sort to energize the soul.  Mine is the swim, even though I don't know whether I'll fully swim again.  I can see myself in the water but swimming a smooth crawl stroke may be beyond my body's future abilities.  A bad neck, one bad shoulder, and waiting for this back to return to use fill my plate, but I can make adjustments. 

For now I'll do my little exercises and plan for slow, steady progress.  This will lead me downstream toward the beach.



"The first time you quit is the last time you try."

Will He Swim After He Gets His Bionic Parts?

Tomorrow is a big day for this half-assed swimmer.  I get my spinal fusion surgery, L5-S1.

The rehab process is something that I don't want to experience, but that is my lot.  My hope is that there are ocean swims ahead for me still; I so miss the cold chill of the water.


"The first time you quit is the last time you try."