Three days in a row! I'm getting a tan.

     I parked near Pappy's and walked down to Surfrider again today.  Just like yesterday--the beach conditions, that is. 

     I felt better in the water.  Taking it easy.  Just remembering how one swims in the ocean--how one swims under the waves as they wash over--how one kicks and works the arm reach & pull.

     Same moderate rip current to the north.  Less people there (Monday) to clog things up.  I didn't dare go out to the outside break yet.  With fins--yes; without fins--no.

     Walking up the hill to my car I started reminiscing about that ocean water in Hawaii.  I sure missed out on a lot.  I was preparing to begin a Navy SCUBA school at Pearl Harbor way back when and I got shipped back due to two lumbar fractures (rodeo bucking horse).  But my good buddies stayed and I can only imagine the beautiful and exciting dives they had there.  What a cool place. 

     I'll plan for a dip tomorrow.


"The first time you quit is the last time you try."

Wow! I just returned from the beach.

     I feel good.  I broke through the saline ceiling yesterday after 16 months, and today I returned again to that place...that place from which life itself originated-- the beach.

     Two consecutive days of Oceanside beach.  Thank God!  No, thank Poseidon--the Greek god of the sea.  I've gotten water religion.

     I'm walking better.  Longer strides.  Several blocks without pain.  And I owe it to the beach!  Could just be coincidence but I like attributing it to getting in salt water.

     Surfrider again.  Approximate water temp 63 degrees.  Moderate rip current south to north at Surfrider.  Short wave interval--about 10 seconds.  Strong, surging 2-4 foot waves closed out and pounding one after the other. 

     But beautiful water.  We are so lucky here to have this water.  I tried half-heartedly to swim out through the 3 sets of waves--the outside one being the problem.  The outside wave was strong and angry, and I am nowhere near prepared for it yet.


"The first time you quit is the last time you try."

Brendan Drury Returns to the Water in Oceanside, CA

     I have to look up how long it has been since I've been swimming.  Gimme a sec.  Oh, boy, March 19, 2014 was my last brief swim in Oceanside.  Sixteen months off--I'm embarrassed. 

     Today, for some unknown reason, I felt alive, my pain was low, my body felt straighter, and I took a dip at the beach.  So what?  For me, this is a big plus.  I have been doing the stretching out and moderate strengthening exercises for the back recently and they are helping my back. 

     The beach I went to was the one at the bottom of Surfrider Way, just down from Pappy's.  The area was very crowded with cars and people enjoying a lovely 77 degree day.  The water was approximately 64-65 degrees, according to my internal thermometer.  Very warm.  I took a full fifteen minutes standing in the shallow water to adjust my mind, relax, and get comfortable with the water-which seemed chilly at first to me.

     Most of what I was thinking was 'don't pull anything in the back,' and the buoyancy of the water was terrific for me.  I eased into stretching, relaxing, swimming several short distances, and playing in the waves.  For a surf report, the waves were 1-3 feet, rough, and there was just a couple of seconds interval so the small waves pounded and pounded repeatedly.  Not surfable. 

     Three times I tried to swim out through the multiple sets of waves to get beyond the surf zone but I was not up to it.  In normal fitness, I would have been fine but not in my early recovery fitness.

     It felt so nice.  What a cool place this Oceanside beach is!  I will go tomorrow again-Sunday.  I feel hopeful. 


"The first time you quit is the last time you try."

Downstream Toward the Beach...

I wrote those words above a few months ago emanating from an inner belief that I'd get back to the swim.  The swim...for me it means getting back in the water at the Oceanside Beach, which is an intimate friend of mine. 

The physical therapist was giving me a hard time last week about my not putting in much effort with the back exercises--and she ticked me off.  She told me things like...I was dependent on my back brace...I had a mindset that I'll have lifelong pain...I need to get my act together and fight back (no pun intended).

So why am I pissed off?  I'm early in my third major life comeback and I don't know whether I CAN come back?  You see I went through this first comeback from spinal surgery for my neck once before--five years ago--and slowly, very slowly, I was able to return from it.  I did it all in the water in Oceanside; I gave up on neck physical therapy two different times because of the pain. 

I had this cancer deal for a second comeback about twelve years ago...and I haven't come back from that...and never will.  Lifelong damage.  I'm angry about that pretty much every day.  There's nothing that I can do about that but I'm supposed to be happy.  Beat cancer, live with cancer, hope for a cure, overcome cancer, jog for cancer, be happy you're alive...the hell with that!  Cancer just sucks and it strikes randomly from out of nowhere!

I write that "The first time you quit is the last time you try" on my posts.  But this time I am tempted to quit.  There's a relief to quitting, for those of us who have done so--it's an immediate relief, a short-lived end to the suffering--but it comes with such a long-term regret.  Quitting is so, so easy.  If you are running, you simply stop.  Walk....  If you are studying Organic Chemistry, you just stop memorizing structural formulas.  Change your major to Business.  If I need to do my physical therapy exercises, I just don't. 

Just do it...just don't do it...

This post is much more about quitting in life than it is about swimming in cold ocean water. 

We tell ourselves--rather we think to ourselves--that it's perfectly fine to quit;  Quitting my endeavor may actually may be the better choice for me. We rationalize our actions to reduce stress--it's some psychological principle.  Maybe I was meant for something else, maybe I chose the wrong career path early on when I was young and had choices.  Oh, choices.  They are involved in this story too.  Personally, I do much better when I have no choices; there is just one thing to do and I have to do it or someone tells me what to do.

I got far afield from my thoughts about this third comeback that I am experiencing.  Maybe I can't do it?   Maybe the old guy has run out of life force?  Maybe I'm afraid to do the hard work?  Maybe I'll take the first stroke again?  I am doubtful but not hopeless...yet.





"The first time you quit is the last time you try."

Oceanside Orca Whales?

http://www.utsandiego.com/news/2014/nov/26/killer-whale-orca-rare-sighting-oceanside-coast/



"The first time you quit is the last time you try."